We all know that when you go to the bank and withdraw money you must first have money in the bank. If you withdraw more money than what is in there you receive an overdraft. People are like piggy banks. Do you find some of your relationships suffering? Do you find people responding to you like you have an overdraft? If so it might be time to check your statement.
Here are some thoughts to consider. Do you criticize more than you compliment? Your children and spouse are indeed like a piggy bank. You have to have enough deposits in the relationship in order to make a withdraw. If you don’t have enough deposits the relationship doesn’t work, because you’re operating at a negative balance.
Constant criticism breaks down the relationship. Criticism squelches the persons spirit. Constant criticism pokes holes in the person’s soul. If you do it too many times you run the risk of starving the relationship. Criticism is a negative word that usually triggers immediate defense mechanisms that spring in to action. You have probably noticed this with people. If they feel criticized they immediately put their walls up to protect themselves. They go into defense mode. On the contrast compliments encourage and support the relationship to grow and deepen. Compliments communicate love, security, and feed the spirit nourishment.
None of this is to say that there isn’t a need for communicating feedback in families. Relationships don’t work without communication. Healthy relationships require two people communicating their heart and giving feedback. However, the communication won’t be received unless there is a surplus. For every one criticism you need to deposit 10 compliments. If you have enough deposits the family member is secure that you love them when you give feedback. If you don’t have a surplus of compliments the family member only hears you don’t love me or like me. They get stuck on that and don’t hear your words. There might be a lot of truth behind your words, but it won’t be received without a positive surplus.
Resist the urge to constantly criticize your family members. Make an effort to build up your family members piggy bank before you give feedback. Communicate I love you first and then their ears will be open to hear your words. Try this approach and watch your relationships transform before your eyes. Remember it’s easier to build a bridge than to repair a broken bridge. It’s also easier to build a child than to repair a broken child. So I ask you are you starving your relationship with your kids and husband or feeding it?
Let’s be better together. Let’s grow healthy families. We can change the culture in America by changing the dynamics in the home. What’s broke in our nation right now is the family. However, we have the power to change that. Build a better you. Build a better stronger family!!