How do you make a marriage work?
It’s not really rocket science. It comes down to a simple concept. Yet, this simple concept is often the cause of marital problems. Men want respect. Women want attention. When you meet your spouses most basic need, they stay in the marriage box. Meeting their need strengthens that boundary around the marriage called the marriage Box. It is when the need is not met that the boundary weakens, and spouses often venture outside the box hoping to get their needs met somewhere else.
Men are wired to need respect.
When they don’t feel respected by us it causes them to be emotionally absent from the marriage. The longer a man is emotionally absent the greater the danger. When the man doesn’t feel respected he is tempted to wander outside the marriage box. Every woman has the power to be a Kingmaker!!! The more respectful your words, attitude, and actions are the stronger that boundary will be in the marriage box. The stronger the boundary the stronger the marriage will be. The stronger your marriage box is the less likely your spouse is to step outside the box or even think of wandering outside that boundary.
Husbands there’s an inexpensive gift that won’t cost any money that you can give to your wife.
I’ll let in you in on a little secret; women are wired to need and crave attention. If a husband doesn’t give their wife attention it creates tiny holes in her heart. Those tiny holes can lead to dangerous territory in marriage. If she doesn’t get attention from you she’ll seek it out in other forms. If a woman suddenly starts posting lots of pictures of herself on social media, it’s a warning sign that she is craving attention. That is a signal to you to pay attention. Give your wife a gift: your attention before she seeks it somewhere else. The more attention you give her, the more that boundary is strengthened. Again, the stronger the boundary the more likely she is to stay in the marriage box.
Let’s talk more about the power of love and respect.
I love what Dr. Emerson Eggerich’s, explains in his book, Love and Respect. He describes the crazy cycle of marriage. When a husband doesn’t feel respected he pulls his attention away from his wife. When a woman doesn’t get attention, her words become disrespectful. Thus, both find themselves smack dab in the middle of the crazy cycle. It takes one person to break the crazy cycle. It’s easy to find yourself in the crazy cycle. It doesn’t take much to get there. However, someone has to have the integrity to end the crazy cycle by doing the right thing. Either the husband needs to give attention to his wife or the wife needs to sow seeds of respect to break the destructive cycle.
It’s hard to be the first one to do the right thing in marriage.
There was a time God told me to apologize to my husband. I argued with God about it for about a day. I felt like he should apologize to me first. Then, God gently whispered into my heart and said something I’ll never forget. It changed my perspective in a heartbeat. God clearly said to me, “It’s not about your husband. It’s about being right with me.” Now, I have learned to apologize quickly. I want to be right with God above being right with my husband. The first one to apologize in marriage gets the attention of God. The first one to apologize or make peace is the stronger one in God.
What do you do if your spouse is not meeting your needs.
If your spouse isn’t meeting your needs it isn’t a free pass to venture outside the marriage box. Many people use that as an excuse to step over that boundary. Your spouse wasn’t meant to be your Jesus. Only Jesus can be Jesus to you. You first must get your needs met through a personal relationship with Christ. He can fill those deep holes in your heart that your spouse is not meeting. Begin to pray over your marriage. Pray specifically that God would teach both you and your spouse how to love each other like Christ. Sometimes it takes years to see transformation or healing in marriage. However, there is no marriage beyond repair. God is the God of families. God loves marriage. If you will do your part to protect the sanctity of it, God will do his part to heal the broken pieces you surrender to Him.
You see the marriage box is a sacred box that must be protected at all cost.
Knowing these simple concepts can protect your marriage box. Applying these ideas will strengthen the boundary of the marriage box. Knowledge and application will keep both people in the marriage box!!